So Fresh and So Clean

My sister Angie had a hissy fit about my last post. She told me to take it down...I guess she doesn't want the 10 people that read my blogs to know that I use the same towel to dry my clean body as I use to dry my clean dishes. But in reality, I don't dry my dishes....the dishwasher does that for me. Also, Angie would like my [10] readers to know that while my laundry upkeep may be sub par, my personal hygiene is perfectly adequate.

Twit Happens

I've succumbed to the twitter. I can tell people what I'm doing as it happens. Still not sure how the whole thing works, but I don't care.
I remember when people used to call other people "twit" if they did something stupid. Or maybe that was just a made-up mom word. I'm not sure.
Anyways, my twitters should show up on the left side of my blog page. It's just an experiment.

This May Be The Snobbiest Thing I Will Ever Write

One thing about my new place that makes me feel "at home" is a garage full of Mercedes.

Zumility

While I was in Vegas over the weekend, my mom bought tickets to see a show called Zumanity. It's one of those Cirque de Soliel shows. Little did mom know that the show was all about sex. When she told me she got tickets to see it, I informed her that it's all about sex and I don't really want to watch something like that with my mom, but she played the "mother's day card" and guilted me into going.
When we went to the box office to pick up our tickets before the show, we noticed that it was all couples...that's when mom decided to sell our tickets, she got in trouble for scalping. We decided to go to show anyway.
It was a good show...unless you are with your mom. The MC was some famous drag queen..(s)he kept asking the audience if we were horny. That was embarrassing. They pulled a lot of people out of the audience. That was a little anxiety provoking...thankfully they didn't pick us to come up on stage.
The show pretty much covered every genre of sex...lesbians, gays, voyeurism, hedonism, orgies, bondage, S & M, dildos*...pretty much anything a person does not want to see with their mother. Some highlights of the show; a woman wearing nothing but a mini skirt made of mardi gras beads performed a crazy African dance that involved a lot of high kicks, men kissing men, women kissing women, a male contortionist who let us know that yes it's possible, and yes he does. I couldn't take much more...we left early.

*I wasn't quit sure how to pluralize dildo, so I put dildoes, and the spell checker corrected me. I thought that was funny.

Make Way For Tim

Tim came up to visit this weekend. We had so much fun. Now I'm gonna bore you with what we did....
-We had dinner at The Union Oyster House, the oldest restaurant in the country.
-I gave him the grand tour of McLean's campus.
-I taught him how to play Keno(it's legal in MA), he won.
-We went to the public gardens (the oldest park in the country).
-We went to a graveyard where Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, and my fave...Mother Goose are buried.
-We met with my family therapist Julieta... she said that talking to Tim gave her a chance to see how really messed up I was before coming to McLean. True that.
-We got to see the duck statues....they're bronze statues of little ducks, the are famous because they are in a popular children's book called "Make Way For Duckling", I want to buy it, but it's too expensive.
-We rode on the Swan Boats...it's another famous thing, I'm not sure why, but everyone always says "you gotta ride the swan boats". So I did.

That about covers it....hope I didn't bore you.

Angie Does Boston

My sister Angie came to visit this weekend. It was so nice to have my first visitor. We had a lot of fun. On Friday we went to Harvard Square for dinner. We went into this weird restaurant where you're supposed to "create" your own meals. We were confused by this concept, so we left. We ended up at a pizza place appropriately named "The Upper Crust". On Saturday, we met with my psychologist Fran, and then we went to McLean to meet with Julietta, the Family Therapist. After that, we went downtown Boston to go shopping and site seeing. Everything was great, until we went to eat lunch.
We were eating lunch on Newberry St. (Rodeo Dr. of the East coast), when we realized that the parking meter we parked at, was soon to expire. So, being the nice big sister, Angie offered to go fill the meter real quick. It took her an hour. Apparently we walked a good mile and didn't realize how far away the car was.
Once she came back, we went on the Duck tour...it was fun. I yelled at a baby. After the tour, we decided to go to the North End which was about 2 miles away. I wanted to take a cab so we could keep our parking spot, but Angie talked me into driving. I let her drive, because she of course knew how to get there. We got lost. I got crabby. We went home hungry. But regardless, it was a good time. Angie did a wonderful job tolerating my whining, I would have slapped me, but she didn't. I'm so sad the weekend had to end. It was such a nice time. I miss her already.

How To Stop Your Neighbor's Dog From Barking

I am not going to groups today on account that my sister's dog was murdered. It's not because I am too sad to go on with my daily tasks, (although, I am very sad for Angie and her kids) but frankly, I don't wanna tell anyone that depressing story, and I know I will if I go to group. It's a story that would definitely get Uncle Albert down from the ceiling...(if you've ever seen Mary Poppins, you will understand what I mean.)

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

I didn't write any blogs the past week cuz I didn't want to write about the hard time I'm having, but after talking to my therapists, I decided that if I only write about the lighter side of things than I am not really sharing my whole experience...and the whole point of the blog is to keep my family up to date about things. (Sorry about the run on sentence.) I just didn't want to sound like a big cry baby. But get out your tiny violins....
I had a hard week because I'm trying to get structure and everything, but things aren't going so smoothly. I think the root of it is the fact that I'm having a hard time making friends and without friends, it gets really hard to be social, and when it's hard to be social, it gets real lonely. I never experienced anxiety about things before. I never knew I was shy, because I always knew someone, or I had someone in my family there to guide me thru. I was supposed to go to an open house for a design school, but I couldn't do it because I got so scared. I know that if I had a friend there with me, I could have gone. I feel really bad because I am so dependant on other people to hold my hand and help me thru. I feel like my feelings of worthlessness are finally justified.

Why I Love My Family

Every time I get a new doctor I have to go through an evaluation process where they ask me a million questions about my life. Most people hate this process, but not me...I love it. I don't particularly enjoy the redundancy of sharing my life story over and over, but watching the doctors' stunned reactions and disbelief to my unique family situation makes it all worth it. I just got a new case manager, his name is Dr. Z. This is how some of the evaluation (and the dozen evaluations before) went:

Dr: Do you have any siblings?
Me: yes.
Dr: How many?
Me: 7
Dr: 7? Are they all from the same parents?
Me: yep
Dr: Where are you in the birth order?
Me: last.
Dr: Wow. So how old is your oldest sibling?
Me: 53 (or 54).
Dr: Wow. How old are your parents?
Me: My mom is 72 and my dad is 77
Dr: Wow, they had you a lot later in life.
Me: Yep
Dr: So are any of your siblings married or have kids?
Me: Yep.
Dr: Okay. Starting from the oldest, tell me their name and how many kids they have.
***(Abridged version)
Me: K is the oldest, she has 4, then D has 2, S has 4, D has6
Dr: Wow, that's a lot.
Me: I'm not done.
Dr: Oh sorry, go on.
Me: B has 2, R has 4, and A has 4
Dr: Wow...you are a good Catholic family!
Me: I guess.
Dr: and your parents are still married?
Me: No they got a divorce.
Dr: How old were you when they divorced?
Me: 25 or 26.
Dr: So just recently? How long were they married?
Me: 50 yrs.
Dr: 50 yrs?!!!
Me: I guess they got sick of living in separate houses, so they figured they might as well
Dr: So they were separated?
Me: No. They just lived in separate houses.
Dr: When did that happen?
Me: A little bit after my dad's heart transplant.
Dr: Heart Transplant!?!
Me: Yeah. It was 10 yrs ago.
Dr: Do you mean heart surgery?
Me: No. I mean he has a new heart.
Dr: How is he doing now?
Me: He's doing great.
Dr: Wow!

Just Laugh

One of the things they try to teach us in DBT is distress tolerance; the ability to handle conflicts and such without going off the deep end. It's something I'm not so good at. So me and the other delicate flowers have to learn different "skills" to help us deal with problems in a healthy way. So one of the skills is called distraction. It's basic purpose is to prevent us from "maladaptive ways of coping". Anyways, long story short... I needed some distraction from the bad day I had today, so I looked for things online to make me laugh. These are some funny quotes I found:

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." George Burns
(I really really love and miss my family but, I had to share it cuz it's kinda true...:)

These next one's are Mitch Hedburg quotes. He's so hilarious!:

"I like the Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."

"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."

"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake."

"This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty."

"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

I feel better now.

Ode To Di Di

I promised a prize to the first person to reply,
and the first response I got came from my sister Di.
So this is the prize; a poem by me
because I am cheap, and poems are free.
But back to Diane and how great she is,
She looks really good for having six kids!
She bakes the best cookies, you should try her polikies
but she keeps herself in shape by going to jazzercise.
Her creativity and love of sweets really come in handy
cuz she has a booming business making jewlery, and another one making candy
She's gonna go straight to heaven, of that I have no doubt
because she is so beautiful on the inside and out.
She's a faithful catholic, a loving wife, mom and sister
and when you are apart from her it's hard not to miss her!

WWJ(+KDSDBRAPA)D?

I had a conference call with my dad and my family therapist the other day. It was very nice to get to share my dad with somebody here. He just seems to ooze wisdom. The wise old Al (lol, I just made that up!). Knowledge that no Harvard education can provide. I'm really lucky he's my dad. (I can just picture each of my sisters' going awww.) Anyway, dad suggested that I should reach out to my siblings more. So that is what I'm going to do right now.
Kathy, Dan, Scot, Diane, Bambi, Robin, Angie, Mom and Dad (kids and spouses are welcome, but not necessary) : I need help deciding what I am going to do for "structure". Put yourself in my shoes when you read the choices. What would be the best thing for me? You can email me or call me, or leave a comment (I changed the settings, so anyone can leave comments now). I really do value every one's thoughts and opinions, so can everyone please respond as soon as possible? Thank you, I love you and miss y'all. If you are a stranger, I don't love or miss you and I don't want your opinion.

These are my options:
1. Get a J-O-B. I don't have enough time to get a full time job, and I don't really know how long I'll be here, so some places won't hire me for that reason. So I'll probably end up working at a restaurant or something that isn't exactly intellectually stimulating.
Pros-I'll make money, acquire work ethic, get some "structure" and meet new people.
Cons- It will only be part time, so it won't be something I'm not already used to. Plus, I don't wanna work... it's something I'll have to learn to want to do first. ..(that last part may just be a big fat excuse, but it sounded good).

2. Volunteer. I'd probably work at a no kill shelter where I'd get to be around dogs, but part of my job would probably be picking up poop. Or, I'd do something to help with the poor, kids, or old people.
Pros- Fulfillment. Learning to be a caretaker, I may be able to work with dogs. The feeling of being a better person and doing my part...=less depression and worthless feelings. Plus, I'll learn to be a little less narcissistic, and a little more altruistic.
Cons-If I don't want to get a job that pays, why would I wanna get one that doesn't? (my little conscience angel just popped up and reminded me that the feeling of doing something good for others is better pay than all the money in the world).

3. Hobbies and non-credit classes. I'd probably take a sewing class, an art class, and maybe a pottery class. I'd do a yoga or aerobics class of some kind before group at the place up the road, and take some courses in business and finance at the Harvard extension.
Pros-I'd get to tell people that I'm going to school at Harvard. I love doing all that artsy stuff. I'll stay busy. I'll get in shape...I might be able to get back into gymnastics..which I love. I'll be able to fill up my time with stuff that I actually enjoy doing, and I'll be able to learn new things that may be valuable for my future.
Cons-They all cost money and I'm running low. Most of the groups will be in Cambridge and parking is a bitch.

4. Go to school. One of the tests I took last week tested areas of study I would be best at. It said that the best fields of study for me would be in design, or something in business/marketing. I agree. I could easily get into design school, and get a degree in 1-2 years, and I know I'll enjoy doing it.
Pros- I am in the land of a thousand colleges, and it would be nice to finish school. I feel like I have a good opportunity and I might regret it if I don't take it. Plus, I will be able to live in something a little less 'short term'. It's probably the best thing for me in terms of breaking from the apron strings. Also, I'd be working towards something that I want and that I'll be happy doing.
Cons- I can't afford it. I will miss my family. Tim won't be very happy, we might end up breaking up and I'll get sad. I miss the dogs. It will take a lot of work. It will be a huge step to take and I don't know how I'll handle it.

So...that's my schpeel. Now it's your turn. But, just a reminder...I'm seeking opinions and advise. I'm open to any thoughts and ideas, just leave the decision making up to me. Thanks for taking your time out to help me. Happy VD. The first one to respond back gets a prize!