I Signed a Lease Today

I moved all of my belongings out of my hotel room and I am supposed to be moving in to my new apartment, but the landlady will not let me have the key until my check clears. I am homeless.

Zumility

While I was in Vegas over the weekend, my mom bought tickets to see a show called Zumanity. It's one of those Cirque de Soliel shows. Little did mom know that the show was all about sex. When she told me she got tickets to see it, I informed her that it's all about sex and I don't really want to watch something like that with my mom, but she played the "mother's day card" and guilted me into going.
When we went to the box office to pick up our tickets before the show, we noticed that it was all couples...that's when mom decided to sell our tickets, she got in trouble for scalping. We decided to go to show anyway.
It was a good show...unless you are with your mom. The MC was some famous drag queen..(s)he kept asking the audience if we were horny. That was embarrassing. They pulled a lot of people out of the audience. That was a little anxiety provoking...thankfully they didn't pick us to come up on stage.
The show pretty much covered every genre of sex...lesbians, gays, voyeurism, hedonism, orgies, bondage, S & M, dildos*...pretty much anything a person does not want to see with their mother. Some highlights of the show; a woman wearing nothing but a mini skirt made of mardi gras beads performed a crazy African dance that involved a lot of high kicks, men kissing men, women kissing women, a male contortionist who let us know that yes it's possible, and yes he does. I couldn't take much more...we left early.

*I wasn't quit sure how to pluralize dildo, so I put dildoes, and the spell checker corrected me. I thought that was funny.

Make Way For Tim

Tim came up to visit this weekend. We had so much fun. Now I'm gonna bore you with what we did....
-We had dinner at The Union Oyster House, the oldest restaurant in the country.
-I gave him the grand tour of McLean's campus.
-I taught him how to play Keno(it's legal in MA), he won.
-We went to the public gardens (the oldest park in the country).
-We went to a graveyard where Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, and my fave...Mother Goose are buried.
-We met with my family therapist Julieta... she said that talking to Tim gave her a chance to see how really messed up I was before coming to McLean. True that.
-We got to see the duck statues....they're bronze statues of little ducks, the are famous because they are in a popular children's book called "Make Way For Duckling", I want to buy it, but it's too expensive.
-We rode on the Swan Boats...it's another famous thing, I'm not sure why, but everyone always says "you gotta ride the swan boats". So I did.

That about covers it....hope I didn't bore you.