The Salmon Palace

Hawaii was great...as always. It was a perfect vacation except everything at the Royal Hawaiian is different now. It got taken over by some new uber modern management team that doesn't know what they are doing. First off, they changed the color of the hotel...yes, it's still pink, but they added a hint of orange to the mix, so now it's a salmon color. I don't like it. Also, some asshole decided to change the recipe for the Mai Tai. Big mistake. I don't even like the Mai Tai, but just the idea of how ignorant they are to change something that is such a staple in Waikiki irks me. They claim that they hired a world renown "mixologist" (yep, bar tending has officially become a science) to create an even better Mai Tai. Screw tradition. Who cares if the Mai Tai originated here, let's change it and make it healthy, and then we can stop by Colonel Sander's house and tell him how to make chicken!

Fun facts about Waltham

If I ever feel the need to look up my genealogy, the National Archives is right down the road from me. Also, I'm 3 miles away from Walden Pond. Exciting.

Mahalo For Not Smoking

I made the mistake of mentioning the infamous "Maui Wowie"(Hawaiian weed), to one of my therapists. I didn't say I was going to smoke it, I just said that it's abundant and how it's really strong...ask my sister Robin. So now, they're wanting me to get a drug test while I'm in Hawaii. I think it's funny. I won't get in trouble if I don't do what they want. I'm on the honor system here. Everyone trusts me because I'm like the star student. They just want to take precautions for "my safety". Like I'm gonna die if I smoke pot or something. It irks me that they think I'm some kinda addict.
Exactly one week from now I will be sitting at the Mai Tai bar. I hope Augie Ray is there. I think this is the first vacation I've ever gone on, that I feel like I actually deserve.

Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a term used here a lot...like twenty times a day. It is one of the skills we learn in DBT. It's all about living in the moment and becoming more aware of things. I think it's some kinda Buddhist thing or something. Either way, it works. It definitely has changed my life.
So anyway, this past weekend, my DBT teacher Dr. Murphy went on a mindfulness retreat with the lady who invented DBT, Marsha Linehan (she is like a god to these people). It was a silent retreat...no talking... at all...for five days. Ridiculous. Anyway, I'm not sure what went on at the retreat, but Dr. M is like a total different person now. She is so calm and peaceful and nothing seems to bother her (that is not an easy feat when you're dealing with borderlines all day...trust me). She's like a hair cut and a brown robe away from becoming a Buddhist monk. I like it. More people should go on those retreats.

I Heart Waffles

Hi. It's Sunday and I'm so bored. This is my last week before I leave for Hawaii, so I have a ton of appointments and things to get done before then. I was supposed to go to the American Girl store, but the roads are too bad. I moved out of the house I was living in. I'm staying at an extended stay hotel in the next town over. Fran wants me to move out. She thinks that I become a hermit and that I get too depressed without more people around. She's right, but I like the hotel's breakfast buffet a lot. Who needs friends when you got free bacon, eggs, and waffles every morning?

Recalculating Route

It took me an hour and 20 mins to get home from Cambridge tonight. (I went to an art show. It sucked, I've seen better shit on my sister's refridgerator.) I have this GPS navigator that has an option (which I was not aware was on), to avoid tolls. So it had me going all around the world turning a 10 mile drive into a 30 mile one. Yeah, it had me driving thru downtown Boston at 11:00 at night on a Friday. I do not recommend it. Anyways, I got home.

Hair Today.....

There is a girl in my group who is losing her hair. She has bald spots and I noticed that all of her eye lashes are gone. They were there before I left for Christmas. She used to live at the TLC with me, but they let her live on her own and things just went down hill from there. She's in bad shape. I hate having groups with her because I'm so scared she's gonna keel over in the middle of class. Her skin is turning yellow, and it is obvious that she doesn't eat. She's about 5' 5' and weighs about 90 lbs. It's sad to see her do this to herself.

I'm Going Gray

Black and white thinking means thinking in terms of extremes... there's no middle ground. It's either good or bad, always or never, happy or sad... no in between. It's bad to think this way. But apparently I do, they told me so. That is why I changed the colors of my page to shades of gray. Take that McLean Hospital! No black or white here!

My Life For Now

So this is a run down on what I am doing here. I have groups in the morning and therapists in the afternoon/evening. I do nothing on the weekends...at least for now.

Groups
DBT- We learn healthy ways to deal with stress and bad feelings.
Mentilization- We go around dissecting situations that happen to people in the group.
Self Assessment-Where am I in treatment? What do I need to improve? What do I do next?
Interpersonal- Usually ends up with two people fighting. I love it.
Family Issues- Self explanatory

Therapists
Fran- (Or Dr. Arnold, I call her Fran.) I see her 4 times a week. I'm closest to her than anyone here. She leads my treatment team. She must be a really good therapist because her office is huge(I've noticed that the size of the office is proportionate to the amount of experience), and it's right in the middle of Harvard Square. It costs 10 cents a second to talk to her (I did the math). I like her a lot. She's the cutest dresser. She looks just like Diane Keaton.
Kelly- I see her 2-3 times a week. She looks like Gina Laschiavio. Her dad is Dr. Gunderson, he's like world famous. He is in charge of the program I'm in. Kelly helps me with the BDD by having me do things like go out with no makeup on. (I'm not there yet). She is also my DBT coach....She coaches me DBT for the BPD and CBT for BDD.
Stephanie- I see once a week. She helps me with anything and everything I need to do. She's helped me file insurance claims, find a place to live, manages my groups, she does it all. She's like 8 1/2 months pregnant and I don't know what I'm gonna do when she's on leave.
Dr. Boyajian- (Pronounced Boy Ah Gin) I see him once a week. He's my psychiatrist, but he also specializes in addiction. Thanks to him, I don't have to go to anymore drug/alcohol groups. He says that it's obvious to him (and he should know), that I'm not using drugs and I'm not an alcoholic. I've been saying that from day one, but nobody believed me until I started seeing him. I guess they automatically assume that anyone diagnosed with BPD that also happens to be Catholic must have a dependency problem. He looks just like my cousin Steve.
Julieta- (Pronounced holy etta, or Dr. Holman) I see once a week. She is the family therapist. She's really pretty. Her name sounds like she's Mexican or something, but she's white.